answers

Answers 

8:40am/2010-07-16

I woke up with my alarm ringing off and i remembered that i made this appointment with a fortune teller and that i was supposed to be meeting up at 7:00am sharp with tita angel a family friend who agreed to accompany me to the fortune teller. But when i arrived at her place, her mom told me that she was waiting for me for a long time, but she thought that i wont be coming anymore so she decided to go somewhere else, anyways i called her and told her that im sorry for being late while i think about some excuses to cover up the fact that overslept, because i stayed up too late last night. But still being the the good family friend that she is, she carefully gave me the details and directions on how to get to the fortune teller’s place (btw the place is a remote barangay and its my first time going there and i dont wanna get lost) but as soon as i got the directions, i went back home to get some money and head for that place. 40 minutes after leaving my house i thought about the things that im going to ask, and the first thing that pop into my mind was the question should i follow my parents and work in saudi or should i follow my heart and work in singapore?  Another question was how is jordan? Is he already at peace? Is he mad at me?

Finally i got to the place and i asked around where is the house of Nana the fortune teller? And it wasnt that long when someone came up to me and took me to her house, her neighbors called out and told her that she has a visitor that someone wants to “mampatawag” or wants to be get called is the term in english. And i saw her an old lady with grey hair which was surprisingly not that old or scary, rather she was kind and oftenly smiles at me, i introduced myself telling her that im the nephew of jori who is my tita and a constant visitor of hers and also a dear friend of tita angel. And she said “ahhhyyy oo ikaw yung  dapat kasama ni angel, akala ko di na kayo darating, sabi kasi sa akin alas 7 kayo darating” and i shamely replied “ oo nga po eh, di po kasi tumunog yung alarm ng cellphone ko”. Anyways we sat on her bamboo floors or papag as she spreads out her deck of cards, she asked me to choose three cards from the deck and as soon as i opened them she told me that i need a huge amount of money to go to abroad but my parents will be hard on me especially bout money matters because they think  that ill be spending it on gimicks but the truth is ill be spending it on my applications, she also told me that ill be surounded by big hospitals and doctors but ill be happy at my work, on the other hand she also saw another place where she told me that i wont be happy working there because of so many restrictions, and i was surprised and baffled about the things she told me, where in fact fact i didnt tell her anything about my job searching or the place where i wanna work, after telling those things i told her that i have a friend and i wanna know where he is now, she asked me the name and i told her jordan, she asked me to cut the deck of cards towards me and when she opened it up, she looked at me and asked me is your friend dead already? And i said yes then she said “ the cards are saying that hes at peace now, he had accepted his death” and while hearing this i got a lil bit teary but happy as well knowing that jordan who is actually my ex is in peace now, he died btw a year ago, he succumed to cancer of the skin and i never got the chance to help him since he was confined in australlia so i flt so guilty when he died. I didnt tell Nana that im gay but she said that you love your friend very much and that you think of him all the time, and i said “yes” and she said well dont worry hes in peace now.

Another question that came into my mind while nana was telling me stories bout how she used to go to my lolo and lola’s place to give thier readings is the question of is my late grandmother mad at me bout not sleeping beside her the night she went into coma, again she shuffled the cards, asked me to cut it towards me, and she opened the cards and she said your lola is not mad at you, shes just worried that your not taking care of yourself, she said that she loves you and your cousins, shes also at peace now the prayers that her relatives offered her help her get to heaven, and hearing that i was relieved and my guilt was lifted up from me. She read my fortune of what will i be few years from now, she said that i wont be marrying anyone soon or ever becauseshe said that i dont wanna be tied,i just laughed it up but the truth is she got it right i dont wanna be tied atleast with a girl. After few conversations a laughs i said goodbye to nana and gave my donations, i left her house relieved and puzzled at the same time but happy that i found the answers that i was looking for.

 I guess at some point in our lives we get so desperate in searching for answers that we turn to the most unconventional, unpractical and even the most unreliable sorce of things just to get these answers, regardless whether we agree or not to theseoutcomes, we still indulge and learn to accept them, but how important are these answers in our lives anyway? Well maybe because some people need it for closure,  some people need it to eradicate confusions and some need it to help thier hearts to be set free.